A Shift in Weather, A Shift in Mind

I had a little bit of a patch last week where the world got dark. This may have been a simple case of bad weather affecting my mood. But the world felt darker, colder, and more sinister—like my rose-colored, happiness-infused glasses had fallen off, and the rot and mold were now visible.

The Alternate Timeline of Psychosis

When I go into psychosis—which happens less and less these days—it’s like I slip into a darker version of our timeline, one far more savage, manipulative, and evil. Not that I mirror that evil—I fear it. I question people’s intentions and motives and apply twisted reasoning to what they say.

They might say, “I’m going now, all the best”, and my brain—looking for danger—interprets that as, I’m leaving you, good luck with what’s coming for you, you’ll need it. Paranoia much! Things get jumbled and rearranged in order for my brain to expose some secret evil underbelly.

Not Psychosis—Just Shadow

The other day when the world got dark, I wasn’t experiencing psychosis. To me, it was more an awareness of the dark side of life I generally try not to notice and push away—the shadow, the darkness of this world.

I know this seems pretty horrible and grim, but it’s not like I was submitting to it or aligning myself with it. It was just an acceptance of the fact that it is there.

A Strange Kind of Clarity

I snapped out of it after a while, and I’ve felt a deeper sense of openness and connection to those around me—and a sense of duty and care for those I come into contact with. Some circuit that had been shielding me from what I hadn’t been able to handle in the past has broken, and I feel better for it.

My soul feels a little deeper, and I feel a spiritual connection to things.

Maybe this is a temporary aberration, I don’t know—but I’m open to it.

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