Let me start by saying how blessed I feel to be living in a household with two wonderful girls—Grace and Liz—who love and support me, and who I totally enjoy loving and supporting in return.

Yesterday, Grace and I had a big fight. But truthfully, I wasn’t really angry at her. I was angry at Liz, and she’d gone to work, so that frustration spilled over unfairly onto my little one. Grace had a meltdown, and I was harder on her than I should’ve been.

But here’s the thing—I know the secret. So I know no lasting damage was done.

All relationships have ruptures. That’s just part of the deal. What matters is repair. As long as you keep repairing the ruptures, the relationship stays strong. That means, at some point, you have to choose the relationship over being right, over being justified, over holding onto hurt like it’s some kind of fuel.

If you’re stuck on proving a point or dominating the situation, if you need to justify everything you do, repair doesn’t happen—and the bond weakens.

Kids are surprisingly quick to forgive, especially if you can meet them on their level and show a little softness. I struggled with this when raising my son. I didn’t know better back then. I was too rigid, too focused on being the kind of parent I thought I was supposed to be—firm, unbending, “teaching lessons.” And when that approach didn’t work, I doubled down. I made him the problem instead of adjusting my style. That created a wedge between us that still hasn’t completely healed, even though there’s a lot of love there now and we’ve come a long way.

Us Brownes are stubborn sons of bitches. Try to break us, and we’ll dig in harder. What’s needed isn’t an iron fist or constant criticism. What’s needed is a soft, caring, understanding heart.

You might be hard on your kid because you want the best for them. But love isn't about pressure. It’s about space. Time. Patience. It’s about helping them grow in their own way, at their own pace.

Meet them where they’re at, not where you think they should be.

Choose love and care, every time.

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