I think my main problem with people, especially those which I enjoy being around and hold in regard is that I feel most try to protect and project their image, instead of being vulnerable and real with me.

While this may not be true across the board, generally, they are either not honest enough with themselves, to be honest with me or perhaps anyone, or don't feel they can be real with me.

This means there's a gap where I'm being honest in admitting my folly as to explore it and overcome it, make amends and improve and most won't meet me on that level where we are being open and real.

While this is speculative, as I see it, because of that lack of vulnerability on their part, it feels like a thing where I lower my status and are not playing the status game while trying to be real, and they see this as a sign of weakness and choose to maintain a place of strength, which makes me feel I'm wasting my time. Where they play the righteousness card and give advice on my folly or reinforce it as a power play which makes me less in tune with them and less likely to want to spend time with them.

I'm strong enough to give status to others and share it freely and know and share my folly, at least around those I deem worthy. To build people up and show my faults and be real and on the level as much as I can. At least that's my goal.

I get the feeling people want to get me in check so they can put themselves above me. What they don't realise is that is a weakness and a sign of lack of strength because they need that levelling process of one-upping me, or correcting me, rather than feeling that strength naturally within themselves without these games.

They don't realise that that type of status is fluid and constantly changes depending on the moment and the environment.

I like to give status freely and boost people up, but it's hard to do that when they are hungry for it and are looking for opportunities to level you down in their mind to prove their superiority, they'd rather that than be on the level and harmonise.

To find a place of liminality, where you can drop the game and just bounce off one another.

That's what I miss in people, and that I had before I started improving myself through personal growth. People notice that growth. And if they haven't grown themselves, it gets under their skin.

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